The Espenblog Times

I'm in a Bind

Poppopx7 — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:44:36 GMT

With only 16 hours left before the big fight between Roscoe the Roster, and myself, I am still a dancing pig. Betty Jo cannot, I repeat, cannot get the formula right to turn me back into my natural self. Sure the crowd loved me when I paraded through Williamsburg, Pennsylvania on Wednesday, but this potion thing I drank was only supposed to last for three hours. Here it is late Thursday night, and I've not changed back to the original Harvey.

Boondocker has mixed so many recipe's, but nothing has worked. Everytime I would drink a new batch of potion I would either turn into something else, or nothing at all would happen. So far I have been a frog, a duck, a chipmunk, a zebra, and a three legged dog. I'm writing this article as the dancing pig that I started out as. I am highly frustrated at Betty Jo, and really agitated with myself for allowing this to happen. I'm having all these problems because of that crazy rooster that wears boxing gloves. There has to be a way to get back to my old self again.

I'm beginning to think that Boondocker did this to me on purpose. Think about it for a minute. If I remain a dancing pig, I'll have to forfeit the fight. By forfeiting the fight the rooster doesn't get hurt, I get humiliated again, and Betty Jo comes out on top. All my fans here in Williamsburg will be disappointed in me, and I won't be able to face anyone around here. In fact it will be known worldwide that Harvey forfeited the fight. I say all that because I cannot fight the rooster tonight as a dancing pig. When I am this dancing pig, I dance. Nothing else, I dance. Besides that, my arms are to short to put a pair of boxing gloves on, and even if I could, I would still dance. Not fight, just dance. I would rather have a hugh wedgie than be like this!

Boondocker has said, "I've tried everything Harvey. I'm running out of idea's." Oh that's just skippy doo. The entire staff of "The Espenblog Times" has arrived, and I'm still this dancing pig. On top of that, the entire Gorilla Team, along with Coach Whitey is due to arrive any minute now. Here I am, the General Manager of Georges' Gorilla's Fantasy Football Team, a dancing pig.

Everything is ready for the big fight. The ring has been assembled, the vendors have their booths set up, Jimbo Boondocker has the parking area all ready, the lights have been installed, and the medical staff will be arriving soon. Roscoe, the boxing rooster is going to need them. There will be thousands of folks here to see this big event.

The big news stations from Altoona, Johstown, and Pittsburgh have already arrived, and they are setting up their equipment. My condition is already the big story around here, but as soon as they hit the air, everyone in the country will know what's going on. Then the cable news people will flock in here. Oh boy, I'm going to do something about this even if it's wrong. I have to take matters into my own hands because Boondocker is setting me up. I have to get back to my normal self so I can take care of that rooster.

Thanks for stopping by, and if you have any suggestions please leave them in your comments. I am one desperate monkey!

I Found a Friend

Poppopx7 — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:45:05 GMT

It couldn't have come at a better time. With all that's been happening around here lately, I found a friend. Not that everyone hasn't been friendly, but I found someone I can confide in. You know, that friend you can trust, that friend you feel comfortable with, and that friend you can talk with about anything. Charlie is my friend.

I have moved out of the Boondocker's house into my own little hut. My hut is over the horse barn, and I can come, and go as I please. I have my own set of stairs leading up to my hut, and a hugh window in the living room that I can look out, and see everything around me. It's my inspirational hut where I can concentrate on what I'm doing.

Charlie is a horse that lives below me, and he has taken me under his wing so to speak. He has told me that Betty Jo, and Jimbo are the best. Betty Jo just gets too excited at times, and that's when strange things happen. Charlie said he was turned into a toad one time because he was going after that crazy rooster. It took Betty Jo a week to get Charlie right again. She couldn't remember the formula for getting him back to a horse so he had to live in a box with a screen over it until she got the formula right. It seems as if that rooster has some sort of hold on Betty Jo.

Anyway, we hang out together almost everyday. Yesterday Charlie took me down to the little country church that is still active. The cemetary behind the church has some of Pop Pop's relatives buried there. In fact his grandmother, which is Granny's mom, is buried here. This church is tucked away out here in the country, and it's so quiet. Betty Jo's mother, sister, and, father are buried here also.

That crazy rooster, and his hornblowing buddy are never far away. They followed us everywhere we went, but they never got real close. They are almost spooky. I can't wait until I climb into the ring this Friday night. I've allowed myself to be humiliated so as I can knock this rooster upside his head without being turned into a musical pig. I don't think this Roscoe dude is any good at boxing. I'm thinking he found those boxing gloves out here on one of these dumps in the woods, and just struts around agitating people. Charlie told me he would tell me as much as he knew about the rooster later on.

All in all, I had a very relaxing day yesterday. Charlie, and I are going into town to take some pictures tomorrow. I like riding around on Charlie. He is a very good friend.

There's Something Strange Going On!

Poppopx7 — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 06:01:09 GMT

I'm trying to take this assignment seriously, but right now I have a real problem. It all started last evening around 5:00 p.m. when I was in my room getting ready to write an article for "The Espenblog Times."

Just as I opened my laptop I heard the sound of a trumpet. It was so loud that my windows shook. I quickly lifted the blind so I could see who in the world was blowing a trumpet. I had to take my glasses off, rub my eyes, and put my glasses back on to make sure I was seeing what I was seeing. There was a rooster standing beside my car blowing on a horn. He wasn't making music, he was just blowing on the horn. No, it wasn't that crazy rooster with boxing gloves that keeps following me around. This was another rooster. He just kept blowing, and blowing. I was trying to figure out where he came from, what was his purpose, and when was he going to quit when I saw something that made my blood boil. I was paying so much attention to the horn blower that I didn't see the rooster with boxing gloves standing on the hood of my car. I started to go beserk!

I ran from my room, down the hallway, and into the kitchen where Betty Jo Boondocker was cooking supper. I was in a panic, jumping up and down, pointing outside, asking her to tell them two crazies out there to stop the noise, and get off my car. She just looked at me as if nothing was going on. Come to think of it, it was kind of a strange look she gave me. I ran for the door to take matters into my own hands. "When I get through with those two nut cases out there, you can cook them for supper," I yelled.

Through the door, and into the yard I went. The horn blower was still blowing, and the rooster with boxing gloves was still on my car. I was going to wring their necks, and pluck their feathers for messing with my car. When I was done with them, I'll take them in the house, and throw them in the cooking pot. So I thought!

I was starting to reach out for the horn blower when this strange feeling hit me. I felt heavy like I wasn't my nimble self. My arms, and legs felt shorter, and it felt as if my tail was gone. It was like I had become someone else. The horn blower stopped blowing, the rooster with the boxing gloves jumped off my car, and Jimbo Boondocker just stood off to the side shaking his head. I turned and looked back toward the house. There was Betty Jo standing on the porch looking right at me. She had done something to me, but I didn't know what. She came to me with a small mirror in her hand. Oh my God, she turned me into a musical pig! I knew there was something strange about her. No wonder she told Pop Pop she could handle anything that might come her way.

I have to stay this way for another 24 hours before she puts me back the way I'm supposed to be. What have I gotten myself into? Those two feathered nuts are going to get their's before this is over with. I'll get back to you real soon, Betty Jo wants me to play some music.

Exploring the Countryside

Poppopx7 — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 20:35:13 GMT

I have been here in Williamsburg, Pa for a whole week now, and I'm starting to find my way around. I use my GPS to find my way back to the Boondocker's house when I go exploring, so I can't get lost out here. It's a good thing I have this devise, or it's hard tell where I'd end up.

The Boondocker's live a short distance from the town of Williamsburg, and I'll get some pictures of the town the next time I drive in there. According to the 2000 Census, there are 1,345 people that live in this town.

The word is out, Harvey is here! It seems that creatures, and humans alike want to see the monkey that writes for "The Espenblog Times." Some folks from around here have been reading our publication, while others have no idea what it is. Folks are having a hard time believing that I write articles, take pictures, talk on my cell phone, and are really blown away when they find out that I am the General Manager of Georges' Gorilla's Fantasy Football Team. People are fasinated by my vehicle. Everyone wants to take a picture of my car. Of course all the animals know that I am for real, it just takes some time for these humans to get it.

Sleazy the Snake came out of his hole to greet me on the road the other day. It's a good thing I was paying attention or I may have run over him. We chatted for awhile, and he told me that if I needed anything he would be glad to help. He was such a nice fellow.

I'm going over to this little country church today to take some pictures. You see, Granny's mother is buried there, along with her sister, and brother. Her brother's wife, and one child are there too. Of course all these folks are related to Pop Pop, and Betty Jo Boondocker.

All in all, I'm getting the feel of the land, and sorting out my thoughts so I can do this job the right way. My only problem is that crazy rooster that keeps following me around wanting to box with me. He appears wherever I go. Sooner or later I'm going to punch him out!

It's Time to Go to Work

Poppopx7 — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 21:26:38 GMT

First, let me say that Fluffy Dog keeps changing my picture from the real me to the one where I look like a baby holding a banana, and a bottle. That is the picture she hung up in the bowling alley for all to see, and everytime I post an article with my real picture she comes in behind me and puts the baby picture up. So I have decided to keep posting her picture when I post an article. What do you think of that Fluff Dog?

Now, unto the business at hand. I'm here in Williamsburg, Pa on special assignment. This place is country, and I'm going to be covering the country life of the family I'm staying with. The Boondocker's are Pop Pop's cousin's, and Granny's niece. Williamsburg is where Granny was raised, and she will be helping me with her family history. It seems I much to do while I'm here, and I know that I can do a good job.

These Boondocker folks sure have a lot of animals. Let's see, there are horses, bulls, pigs, turkey, dogs, cats, and all sorts of wild things running around here, not to mention all the human's. Most of these animals around here have never seen a monkey before, so I have to be careful when I'm out moving about. Many of the domesticated, and the wild animals look at me as if I'm something to eat, but I think they will get used to me after awhile. There is one rooster that struts around here like he's the boss. He is always wearing boxing gloves when I see him, and he goes out of his way to antagonize me. Looks to me like a showdown is brewing between the two of us. As for the other's, I'm already working my charm on them.

I've been traveling these country roads for the past few days, and have some interesting pictures to post. By the way, I am not going to get into any trouble while I'm here. Go ahead, and take the survey at the top of the page, but for all of you that says I will get into trouble, you will all be wrong. I am walking the straight, and the narrow while I'm here. I have put the picture of Jimbo, and Betty Jo Boondocker in this article. Jimbo pretty much stays the same, but this Betty Jo keeps changing her appearance every now, and then. I can't figure what's up with that. I'll have to keep my eye on her!

Hey send me some comments, and let me know if you are familiar with this neck of the woods. If you are not, send me some comments anyhow!

The Above Survey

Poppopx7 — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:48:43 GMT

Harvey is now in Williamsburg, Pa on assignment for "The Espenblog Times." Please take a second, and vote as to when you think Harvey will get himself into trouble. Harvey has said that he will not get into any trouble whatsoever. What do you think?

This Whole Gang Has Lost It!

Poppopx7 — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 18:48:14 GMT

I swear that Pop Pop, and the entire staff here at "The Espenblog Times" has lost it, everyone accept me of course. Where Pop's found the wooden headed duo of Nick, and Mick I have no idea, and he isn't saying. Even Mom Mom is questioning what little bit of sanity he has left. I think Mom Mom, and myself are the only two sane one's left.

Fluff, Ms Ernestine, Whitey, the Gorilla Team, Me Too Piggy, and everyone around thinks these two blockheads are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I personally believe they are dumber than a stump in the woods. I don't think they have a brain, muchless talk, walk, write, or function in any other way. I think it's a figment of Pop Pop's imagination, and all these other dummies are going right along with it. The thing that bothers me the most is that I'm the one that's seeing a therapist. Something is wrong with that picture!

The article they wrote about bowling with the gang the other night is a put on. I don't believe they are real, and I don't believe they wrote any article. I think it's a conspiracy conjured up by this bunch to drive me crazy. Everyone here tells me how nice these two are, and how they are excited that Nick, and Mick are now part of the team, but everytime I approach them they just stand there, and look at me. They don't move, they don't talk, and they don't even blink their eyes. I have even tried to sneak up on them to see what they were doing, but everytime I did, I found them doing absolutely nothing.

I'll give you an example. I was with Whitey the other day when his cell phone rang. When he answered it, he said, "How you doing Nick?" He then went on to have a long conversation with Nick. When Whitey hung up he went on about those two splinter heads being so cool, etc. When I called their cell phone number no one answered, I had to leave a message, and they still haven't returned my call. What's going on here?

Someone around here is trying to drive me over the edge with this so called Nick, and Mick thing. I wish I would have accepted the invitation to go bowling the other night. At least I would have found out if these guys are for real. If they are for real, why won't they interact with me? How can everyone else communicate with them, and I can't? What are the others seeing that I'm not? Am I the one that's losing it? Why do I have so many questions? I need to see my therapist right about now, but she's out of town this week, and she didn't give me a number so I could get ahold of her. I think this is growing into an emergency. Someone get me a bag! I'm hyper-ventilating over here! I have to go find a bag real quick. Cya all later.

Why Can't I?

Poppopx7 — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:28:52 GMT

I feel more like Rodney Dangerfield everyday. It seems like I get no respect around here no matter how hard I try. Everyone seems to be having fun, but me!

After all I've been through the last few months you would think that I would be the center of attention, but no, everyone acts like I'm not even here. Even when the team went to the "Celebration in the Jungle" for winning the Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League Championship I was neglected. Oh sure, the celebration was great, but it seems as if I was overlooked. Coach Whitey accepted the "Keys to the Jungle" on behalf of the team, and the festiviities were great, but no one paid much attention to me. All the team members were interviewed, pictures were taken, and when they had the victory parade I couldn't ride in the banana car, I had to walk with the elephants that brought up the rear. What's up with that?

When we arrived back home, I find out that Coach Whitey was asked to be in Pop Pop,s corner the night of the big fight. Why wasn't I asked? Fluffy was allowed to run the video camera, and posted the interview, and the fight in her section entitled, "Fluff's Corner." Why wasn't I given that assignment?

Fluff is having fun playing that Wii thingy, but no one asks me to play. Why, even Granny got in on the action. Now I hear that Fluff, and Ms Ernestine are going to be bowling every week, and word has it that Ms Ernestine may be boxing before long.

To top it all off, the "Nut Cases" that make up the Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League are going musical, and videotaping their preformances. Boxing, bowling, music video's and God only knows what they will be taping before it's all over. This Wii thingy has sent these people over the edge, and I would like to go with them.

Why can't I be in a movie? I can do all the things everyone else is doing. What do I have to do to get in on all this action? I called Pop Pop the other night to discuss this matter, but he has yet to return my call. Perhaps I should challenge someone to a boxing match. I know exactly who I'd like to challenge, but I'll wait until I talk to Pop Pop. Maybe my therapist has the answer. I have another appointment today so I'll talk to him about this situation. After all I've been through, why can't I?

Thanks for stopping by, and any suggestions to my problem are appreciated. I will take all comments into consideration. My therapist told me that I need to listen to what others have to say.

Gorilla's Win Another Championship

Poppopx7 — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:46:39 GMT

With so many head coaches, and Gm's on the cutting block in the NFL, I, Harvey, the GM of Georges' Gorilla's, am secure in my job. Once again I proved that I am the best GM on the entire planet. Thanks to me, the Gorilla's have the 2007, and the 2008 Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League Trophy in their showcase.

All the other owners in the league have been making fun of me these last two years, but the proof is the showcase. I have two trophies now to my credit. I bet they wish I was their GM so they could win a trophy. Back in 2006, Missy's Madmen won the championship, but when I arrived in 2007 I just took over. They all say that I'm arrogant, and conceited, but I think they are all jealous of me, and my many talents. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that some owners in the NFL want my services. Of course I'm obligated to Pop Pop, but someone will probably contact me real soon. Perhaps I'll hear from the owner of the Cleveland Browns this week. They seem to need a go-getter like me to build that team into a contender.

Oh, by the way, all my bandages, and splints have been removed. Yep, they took everything off yesterday, so now I'm as good as new, and just as handsome as ever. In fact, I was just admiring myself in the mirror. Eat your hearts out Fluff, and Ms Ernestine!

The Gorilla's are scheduled to appear for a celebration today, and then we are flying to an undisclosed place in the jungle for a hugh party sponsored by "Animals United in the Kingdom." It will be good to see old friends, and party down with everyone in the kingdom. The Gorilla's will receive the "Keys to the Jungle" before all the partying begins, and Coach Whitey will address the animal kingdom at that time. Of course there will be lots of pictures taken during the events. I hear that the Lion's Cheerleader's will be there to lead the crowd in the "Gorilla Shuffle," and the "Gorilla Grunt." Of course the Gorilla's theme song, "Run Through the Jungle," by CCR will be blaring throughout the festivities.

I have been asked to be a judge in a Jungle Beauty Contest while we are there. Naturally I said that I would do it, because I am a good judge of beauty. That's just another talent that I have. I can't help that I am so popular amongst the animals, and humans. When you got it, you got it! Here is a picture of one of the contestants.

Thanks for stopping by "The Espenblog Times" again. We hope you are enjoying your holidays with family, and friends. This has been an exciting year, and we wish the best for each, and everyone in the upcoming new year.

Who Says I'm Unlucky?

Poppopx7 — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:29:52 GMT

Everyone around here tells me I am unlucky. Pop Pop even wrote an article about me being so unlucky, but I don't see it that way. Look, I finally get back home in time for the 2nd round of the playoff games, and YIPPEE, the Gorilla's win, and are on their way to the 2008 Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League Championship Game next weekend. Who they will play remains to be seen.

Here's how it stands....the Nimrods are something like 62 points ahead of the Lions, but the Lion's have 3 to play tonight. The Lion's have a QB, a RB, and a WR. It is possible that if Jefferys' Lion's have a big night, they can come roaring back. This game has turned into a real nail biter for sure. Gertrude Doflicky, the owner of the Nimrods, can only sit back, and wait it out. She isn't going to be pleasant to be around, so I suggest that everyone stays clear of that crazy lady. She's liable to snap at any moment.

I, Harvey, the most intelligent, the best writer, and the most handsome of them all, (even in my bandages) am the reason the Gorilla's are going to the big game next week. It was because I was on the sidelines that the Gorilla's won. I brought them luck when they needed it the most. If I had not been there, the Gorilla's would have went down in a ball of fire. Oh boy, I am the bomb!

The sounds of "Run Through the Jungle" are echoing off the walls while I write this article. I didn't tell the big boys that I was the one that bought them luck, because I don't like to bring notice to myself. Besides, I like them to think they did all the heavy lifting, when it was really my intelligence that got the team this far for the 2nd season in a row. Of course I'm not bragging, I'm just stating the facts. It sure feels good to be writing again, even if I have to use a pencil turned upside down to hit the keys.

I don't know how long I have to stay in these splints, and bandages, but I still look good no matter what I have on, don't you think? I bet Fluffy, and Ms Ernestine wish that they had what I have, but then again, we all know that they don't, and never will have what I have. Eat your heart out girls!

I am Banged up, But I am Back

Poppopx7 — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 03:57:47 GMT

This is Harvey, writing for the first time since Oct. 31st when some very bad characters took me from my hut. As you can see, I'm not in too good of shape, but at least I'm home where I belong. I'm using a pencil turned upside down to hit the keys on the keyboard so I can write my article. This is rather difficult, but yet it feels good to be doing this.

I, the most intelligent, most handsome, the best writer in the business, and the most skilled GM of any football team on the planet, want to thank everyone for their support while I was gone. I've been reading all the cards that came from all over the world. It makes me feel good to know that so many cared.

Nosy, and "Frankie the Mouse" did a great job in coming to my rescue, although I had the situation well in hand. I was getting ready to make my move when they appeared on the scene. I had everyone, and everything right where I wanted them when they showed up, but they did help somewhat. It was nothing that I couldn't handle by myself.

Those big dummies that put me into the ambulance didn't lock the gourney down, and as a result, I come flying out the back only to end up like this. I thought someone shot me out of a cannon when I flew out those doors. I sure did total that gourney I was riding on.

The Gorilla's have won their division, and are playing the Booty Shaker's this weekend for the chance to go to the Crumbpacker's Championship Game next week. I'll be on the sidelines cheering those big boys on for sure. I'm having a hard time typing this article with a pencil turned upside down, but I'm getting it.

That Fluffy Dog Girl hasn't changed a bit since I've been gone. The minute she saw me she started laughing her silly head off. She told me I looked like a mummy all wrapped up like this. Ms Ernestine asked me if I could sit close to her desk so she could write her notes on my white bandages. She said she could save paper by doing that, and then she busted up laughing. You would think those two would have a little sympathy on a guy after all I've been through, but no, they have to start in right where they left off.

That's ok with me. I'm back now, and those two are going to get it. I'm smarter, better looking, a better writer, and more popular than they will ever be. This is VIP-HARV, and I am back. See you all at the big game tomorrow. Don't you all think I'm handsome?

Gorilla's Clinch Playoff Berth

Poppopx7 — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:49:10 GMT

Good morning one, and all! I've jumped over here to Harvey's section to announce that George's Gorilla's have clinched a playoff spot by beating up on Lori's Little Rascal's yesterday. After the first half of yesterday's games it looked like the Rascal's were going to keep the Gorilla's from going to the playoffs, but then something happened that lit a fire under those Gorilla's.

I watched as Pop Pop met with Whitey, the Head Coach, on the sidelines. All of a sudden Whitey's famous smile returned. He hasn't smiled like that since before Harvey's disappearence. His whole countenance changed, and so did his actions. Right there in front of everyone Whitey did the "Gorilla Grunt," and begin to do the "Gorilla Shuffle." Whitey didn't need to say a word to any of the other Gorilla's, they knew what was up. Harvey had been found!

When the late games begin the Gorilla's were a force to be reckoned with. A force much greater than the Rascal's could handle. Out they came, throwing Little Rascal's around like they were toys. You should have seen the look on their faces.

Lori, better known as Liza May Swampbush, tried to rally her team, but to no avail. She was jumping up and down, screaming, shaking her fist, and threatening those Lil Rascal's, but nothing could stop the Gorilla's from turning it up, and running roughshod over her team. In the beginning of the game she had this swagger about her, this smirk on her face, and a look that could take down the biggest Gorilla. Now she looked as if someone just slammed her fingers in the car door. She was filled up with pain from head to toe, and boiling in anger. I, Fluffy Dog, felt sorry for her. I went to her to console her, but she was so angry that she threatened to knock me six ways from last Tuesday so I trotted off, and rooted for the Gorilla's.

After the game the Gorilla's celebrated by turning their theme song on once again. They haven't played their song since Harvey has been gone. "Run Through the Jungle" blared out loud, and clear once again. Coach Whitey, and the whole team was dancing, and grunting while chanting Har...vey, Har...vey, Har...vey! I myself entered right in with those big boys, and did the "Gorilla Grunt," the "Gorilla Shuffle," and chanted, Har...vey, Har...vey, Har...vey right along with them.

Ms Ernestine will be reporting on the finding of Harvey so stay tuned. I must say that I am very happy to know that Harvey has been found. I don't know his condition as of yet, but to know he has been found is exhilerating. After Pop Pop had that meeting with Whitey on the sidelines he left. Reports are that Pop Pop was flying to an undisclosed location to meet with Nosy the Bloodhound, and Herman, "Frankie the Mouse."

It's a great day here at "The Espenblog Times" so stay tuned for all the new happenings that are taking place. Oh, by the way, Liza May Swampbush was last seen running over the hill screaming, "You let me down, you let me down." Only she knows what that was all about.

Fan's Support for Harvey Pouring In

Poppopx7 — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 20:20:11 GMT

Hi everyone, this is Fluffy from "Fluff's Corner." I jumped over here to Harvey's page to post some of the messages we are receiving from fan's around the world. We are all saddened by the disappearance of Harvey, and it isn't the same around here without him.

The "Chicks that Love Gorilla's" Club has written, "We all miss you Harvey, and want your safe, and soon return. We have all flocked together to find you."

Whitey, and the Gorilla's said, "We are doing the best we can to maintain our professional attitude, and concentrating on winning football games. You are missed by this team beyond words."

The "Hippo's for Gorilla's" sent several cases of fresh banana's to be opened by Harvey himself upon his return. They are being store in refrigerated trucks.

From "Animal's United in the Kingdom" a message was received that read, "From all of us to Harvey whom we love, and miss. We have united our efforts in finding you, and returning you to your hut. It's only a matter of time until our efforts bring you home again. We will not tolerate one of our own being mistreated, and exploited. We are coming to get you Harvey so rest easy. Help is on the way!" The group was much to large to take a photo, but they sound like they really mean business.

Today is game day, and the stadiums are already filling up across America. The Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League will be observing a moment of silence throughout their stadiums today in tribute to Harvey. After the moment of silence there will be a hugh roar rendered in Harvey's behalf. I hope Harvey will be able to at least hear the roar coming to him from across this land, and from around the world. I hope the roar will send shockwaves to whomever has Harvey. That should make them realize that we are coming for Harvey, and you better watch out!

The Skid Continues for the Gorilla's

Poppopx7 — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:38:40 GMT

I keep hoping that it stops, but it doesn't. George's Gorilla's are now on a losing streak that jeopardizes their chances of getting into the playoffs. We must win this week against that crazy Madmen team, and with the way the Madmen got beat up last week, they are going to be out for revenge.

The Redskin's, the Shaker's, and Nan's Nimrods have all contributed to my job being on the line. People in the league are saying that I'm looking more like that GM the Detroit Lion's used to have, and you all know what happened to him. That Matt Millen guy got himself fired. That's a scary thought for me. Like I don't have enough problems without worrying about my job.

Gertrude Doflicky, and her Nimrods just added to the problem. Three losing games in a row has me all worked up, and with what happened on the field last week doesn't help either. I'll be getting stressed out again, and my problem will return if I'm not careful.

By now I'm sure everyone has seen the picture of me hanging upside down on the crossbar. Oh, that was so wrong for the Gorilla's to do that, but for Fluffy, and Ms Ernestine to see me like that, well, it's just unbearable. Have you any idea what it's like to be hung upside down from the crossbar while an artist sketches you, Gorilla's doing the "Gorilla Shuffle," two reporter's taking notes, and making funnies at you, and a head coach laughing at what those two reporter's are saying? I mean, do you even begin to know what it's like?

That picture of me is splattered throughout "The Espenblog Times." I believe it's in every section of this newspaper. People, and creatures from all over the planet have seen me in a very bad position. What about my image? I have a reputation to protect, and it's all that Fluff, and Ms Ernestine's fault.

I am told that emails are coming into the office by the thousands from all around the world. With those emails there are some reports that are bringing up some questions about my past. If I know Ms Ernestine, and Fluff, they will be doing some real digging into those questions. Of course PopPop will be stirring up the pot, pushing them to get the answers, and encouraging them to report the facts. He's such an agitator sometimes.

I can take whatever they dish out, and I, Harvey, the most intelligent, most handsome, the best writer, and a superb GM of the Gorilla's Fantasy Football Team will come out on top. That's just the way I am! In fact, I have a plan that I'm going to spin into action. I'll show that Fluff, and Ms Ernestine who has the upper hand. By the time I'm done with those two I will be adored the world over. Oh boy, this is going to be fun!

Hey, thanks for stopping by "The Espenblog Times," and especially my section of this crazy paper. Please leave your comments, and keep coming back to see what happening around here. Remember, our goal is to make you as crazy as the rest of us, and we are all very qualified to do just that.

Gorilla's On a Skid, Must Right Themselves

Poppopx7 — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 16:05:09 GMT

A two game losing streak for my Gorilla's have caused me much pain, and anxiety. I've been called on the carpet by PopPop himself, and was told in no uncertain terms that George's Gorilla's better win this week, or there may be some changes. Oh boy, I don't need the stress, because you all know what happens to me when I become overly stressed.

Coach Whitey has been going nuts these last two weeks, and he has worked this team hard. "We're having some problems right now with the lack of points our running backs are getting us, but perhaps this week we'll get it right," Coach Whitey said. He continued, "We've had running back problems from the very first game. That's been our weakest point so far, but hopefully we have corrected that problem for this week. We'll see what happens."

I, Harvey, can tell you these last two weeks have been horrible. Losing to the Redskin's, and to Greer's Booty Shaker's have really shook me up. My complaints to the commissioner's office have gotten me no where. He just laughed at me, and said these very words, and I quote, "Harvey, put your big girl panties on, and deal with it!"

Coach Whitey, and the team went ballistic when they found out that I cried foul when we played the Redskin's. Those Gorilla's got all bent out of shape at me. When I went to the practice field to discuss another matter with Coach Whitey, him, and the entire team approached me. When they surrounded me, I knew they were a group of highly agitated gorilla's. You don't stop a group of highly agitated gorilla's by smiling at them.

I said, "What's up guys?" One of the gorilla's said, You're up, Harvey," and with that he took my glasses off, laid them on the bench, and punted me high up into the air. I landed 55 yards down field on my head. As I was flying through the air I was trying my hardest to defy gravity, but knew all the time I was going to come down, and this was going to leave a mark, and down I came. I blacked out for a second, and when I came to they were standing over me doing the "Gorilla Shuffle." They were high fiving each other, and dancing. No one was concerned for my well being. They were just celebrating. Coach Whitey never said a word. He just stood there with that look of distain on his face.

The gorilla's lifted me up, walked to the goal post, and hung me on the crossbar upside down. They tied my arms to the post with long ropes, and my feet were tied to the crossbar. Have you ever looked at a group of highly agitated gorilla's while you were hanging upside down from the crossbar? No, I guess you never have.

I was informed that I was never to complain to the commissioner again. The gorilla's were capable of taking care of themselves, and if they got beat up in a game, they would deal with it. No matter how they get beat, no matter what weapons the other team uses, or what is said about them, they would take care of it themselves. With that they taped a sign on me that read, "Harvey is a sissy."

The team left me hang there for hours with that sign on me. The worse part of it all was when Whitey called that Fluffy Dog Girl, and Ms Ernestine. It wasn't long before they showed up to see what the team had done to me. Of all the creatures, and people in this world to see me like this, it had to be those two. One of them, I don't remember which one, said, "Hi Harvey. You hanging out with the team today?" I think that Fluufy Dog Girl said, "Oh look! I think we are embarrassing Harvey, his face is all red." With that they walked away chuckling, and whispering to each other.

I can only imagine what they will be writing in their columns about this episode. This was not one of my better days. I had been punted through the air, landed 55 yards down field on my face, hung upside down on the crossbar, had a signed taped to me, and was humiliated by a dog, and a pig, and God only knows what they are going to write about me. I would say I had a very bad day. Is there any sympathy out there for me? Does anyone understand what I go through? I sure hope the Gorilla's win this week!