Harvey To Go Country

Harvey has been approved by Pop Pop to go country, after a lengthy meeting yesterday afternoon. No, he's not going to be singing, atleast I don't think he's going to be singing, I hope he's not going to be singing, but you never know with Harvey. Harvey is going to the country on special assignment for "The Espenblog Times." In fact he has already departed, and he arrived at his destination last evening.

As everyone knows, Harvey has been more difficult to get a long with lately. Ever since he returned from his kidnapping ordeal, he has been impossible. His therapist has been working with him, but he's not made much progress. Even with taking medication, Harvey just can't seem to get it together. At the suggestion of Ms Fluffy Dog, Pop Pop, Harvey's therapist, Harvey, and myself met yesterday afternoon to discuss this assignment. I must say, Harvey was in very good spirits yesterday at that meeting. He seemed to be his old mischievous self again. Harvey was delighted when Pop Pop told him he was going to the country up in Pennsylvania for awhile. Even Harvey's therapist was surprised by Harvey's actions.

Harvey will be staying with Pop Pop's cousin up there in PA while he writes about country life, and the experiences he will have while there. Rest assured, Harvey will have some experiences. Harvey doesn't go anywhere that he doesn't get into some sort of trouble, and this will be no exception.

Harvey loaded up his equipment immediately after the meeting, and off he went. He took his camera, his video camera, his laptop, his Ipod, his dictionary, his cell phone, and his GPS, plus all his other necessities, and off he went. Harvey even gave me a little kiss before he drove off. Can you imagine that? I watched as he drove away, shocked that Harvey would show such kindness. I think this assignment to the country will do Harvey a world of good.

I just hope he put's some clothes on before he gets to where he is going!

"Mom Mom Be Smokin"

Midway into her third week as a Phoenix, Mom Mom is getting into her groove. You would think she had been doing this college thing all her life. There are just a few things that caused me some concern. 

I, Ms Ernestine, stopped by to see her on Sunday afternoon. I wanted to interview her for this article, and get an up to date report on how she felt she was doing. I saw some things that sort of raised my eyebrows. First of all, she was reading a paper that she had written for one of her classes. That in itself wasn't unusual, it was who she was reading to. There sitting in the recliner was her one year old grandson. Mom Mom was walking around the room reading her paper to Joe. He watched her walking back and forth, and every so often he would bust out laughing. That didn't stop Mom Mom. She just kept on going, and when she finished, she asked him what he thought. Joe looked at her, laughed out loud, and crawled off the recliner. He was laughing all the way to the kitchen. She told me that she thinks he liked it, I just smiled. I was wondering why she didn't read her paper to her 19 year old grand-daughter who is attending a university here on the Eastern Shore?

Mom Mom told me that she was worried about the weather. The Eastern Shore was going to get it's first snowfall of the season, and it had already started to sleet. To get snow here in southern Delaware is an event for sure. As soon as people hear that snow is coming they begin to cancel things. The list starts rolling across the bottom of the TV before it even starts. I asked her why she was so concerned, and she told me, "I don't want my classes to be cancelled because of the weather." What? She's taking her classes on line for pity sakes!

She was also concerned that the buses would not be running because of the weather. Sure, if they cancel the public schools, the school buses won't run, but what other buses are there? Let's see, there is the Senior Citizen's Bus that goes through town, and takes the folks to the center, but what other buses? Oh yea, there is the DART bus that's run by the state, but what does that have to do with Mom Mom going to class? I was really getting confused now. About that time Pop Pop came in, and explained to me that every evening, Mom Mom catches the school bus at the corner, and rides one block. She then gets off, and walks back to the house to start her classes. Oh Boy! I wonder what the driver thinks?

Mom Mom told me she loves her reading class. Reading class? Supposedly it's a small reading class with only three or four students. Mom Mom said that Jamie doesn't always come to class, so there's usually just three. Okie, Dokie Mom Mom!

I watched as she posted her assignment in the proper place, and then she high fived herself. With a shout of, "Yea me!" she then went into the other room. I just gave Pop Pop a look like, "Now what?" He told me that Mom Mom was now going to cheerleading practice. Alrighty then!

With that, I bid Pop Pop, and Joe a good day. As I drove through the sleet, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, "Now there's a woman that's excited about going to college!" Mom Mom is a trip! Thanks for stopping by "The Espenblog Times." Cya next time.  

"Groovin"

Laughter is good medicine, and music calms the savage beast, although some of today's music causes the beast to rise up within me, but such was not the case when I watched "Groovin," and "Chillin" perform on the Guitar Hero thingy. These two little guys seem to get it going.

Let's see if I can get this right. "Groovin" who is playing the drums, is the son of Bubba, and Thelma Louise Stutebegger. "Chillin" who is playing the guitar, is the son of Wilbur Windowpane, and Liza May Swampbush. These four parents are members of the Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League, and none of their bubbles are centered, if you know what I mean. Just look at their father's whose video is at the top of the page on the left, and right side. You can see where these get it from. I've concluded that it's in the gene's for sure.

These two little guys really entertained me, Ms Ernestine, with their performance. It took several rehearsal tries before they settled down, and really begin to rock. I think I was a big distraction for them at first. They just couldn't take their eyes off me when I first arrived. I mean, how many times in your lifetime did a reporter come to your house, and video tape your performance. Perhaps it was the fact that I was a real live, talking pig that distracted them. I assured them that I was real, and that I had arrived to cover their performance for "The Espenblog Times." I told them that Pop Pop had sent me to cover this event. They both looked in awe when I pulled my cell phone out, and called Pop Pop. It was like what? A real live pig that talks, and carries a cell phone? A real live pig that talks, carries a cell phone, and calls our Pop Pop? Once I had Pop Pop on the line, and explained the situation to him, he asked to speak to the boys. When they heard his voice they lit up, and realized they weren't dreaming. "Chillin" reached out and touched me, and told his Pop Pop, "She is for real, I just touched her." After that they begin to rock!

I must admit it does send some folks into shock when they see me, but after a while they always warm up to me, except that Gertrude Doflicky, and Thelma Louise Stutebegger. Remember, during the football season, Thelma Louise, owner of Missys' Madmen, threatened to put me on a stick, and cook me over the fire. Now here I was covering an event where her son was playing the drums. I kept an eye out for her. I watched her every move, and become somewhat concerner when she startled to whittle on a rather large stick. She whittled on that thing all during the event. What really made me feel queasy was the fact she kept looking at me, and smiling the whole time she was whittling on that big stick. Come on, how many people do you know that goes to an event, and whittles on a big stick? Especially when it's their son that is performing. Oh well, I survived.

The video of "Groovin," and "Chillin" is at the top of the page on the right hand side. It's right underneath Wilbur, and Bubba's video. Thanks for stopping by, and please leave your comments. By the way, we don't claim to have any sanity around here!

The Crumbpacker's Goes Musical

Now that the fantasy football season is over, the members of the Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League are going musical on us. I, Ms Ernestine, have covered some far out events in my day, but this one is just too much. This crazy bunch of people will keep you on your toes. I stopped trying to figure out their next move because about the time you think you have them figured out, they come up with something totally different.

Take Mom Mom, and Pop Pop for instance. The fantasy football season is over. Pop Pop beats Mom Mom in the Championship Game, and you think that's the end of the story. Now the two of them will sit back, and work puzzles all winter long. Wrong! They decide to have boxing matches, and beat each other up on the Wii. I have received word that they are scheduling another fight to be aired very soon. I mean, come on, these two are 60 and 59 respectfully. Isn't that the age where you are susposed to sit back with your feet propped up, and watch TV?

Now you have other members of the league going musical on us. You see, everyone in the family has a Wii except Wilbur Windowpane, he has an X-Box, but both systems play that "Guitar Hero" thingy. They have the guitar, microphone, and drum set, and God only knows what they will add to it before it's all over. Even the kids are becoming rock star's.

I flew out to Detroit and video taped some of their sessions. Everyone got in on the action from the oldest to the youngest, although it was extremely hard to tell who was who. I just don't believe that they are ready for an agent yet. I half expected the looney wagon to pull up, and take them all away. I mean these people are out there, but they sure were having fun, and to me that's all that counts.

Wilbur Windowpane, and Bubba's video is at the top of the page. Part one of their preformance is on the top left, and part two is on the top right. Wilbur is the owner of Mike's Nuckingfutjobies, and Bubba is the owner of Jeffs' Redskin's. I have come to the conclusion that they have fallen off the deep end. Wilbur didn't make it to the playoff's, and Bubba got his butt beat in the first round of the playoff's. I think that's what caused them to go over the edge, and I don't believe they will be coming back any time soon.

I have footage of the rest of these "nut hut" candidates which I will post every so often. When you view the video's please have compassion on these poor souls. They had a long, hard, disappointing season so please take that into consideration. It seems that fantasy football really leaves a mark on those who participate, but then again, were they marked before they ever got into fantasy football? I'm not sure which happened first.

Living in Our World

Here's a little something for you to read, and try out for yourself. This was sent to my email box so I thought I'd share it with you. We here at "The Espenblog Times" are in the process of doing these things to maintain our insanity. We have worked very hard to get to this point of insanity, and we do not, I repeat, we do not want to lose what we have gained. I do not know who wrote these points, but they must be a genius. You can hum to yourself while you are doing some of these things.

How To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity 

1. At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on, and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disquise your voice.

3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. After everyone has gotten over their caffein addiction, switch over to Expresso.

5. In the memo field of all your checks, write, "For Marijuana."

6. Skip down the hall rather than walk, and see how may looks you get.

7. Order a diet water wherever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify that your drive-thru order is to go.

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won. I won!"

12.When leaving the zoo, start screaming, "Run for your lives! They're loose."

13. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we going to have to let one of you go."

And the final way to maintain a healthy level of insanity is to:

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the Pharmacy, go to the counter, and ask where the fitting room is.

Truck Driver Tracked Down by Nosy

This is Ms Ernestine reporting to you from the home of Hugo Mokey, the driver of the truck that delivered Harvey's vehicle to the lake to be dumped into the icy waters. Once again I am on my cell phone giving this report to Fluffy back at "The Espenblog Times" Headquarter's.

Hugo Mokey seems to be innocent of any known crime, and Nosy is interviewing him as I speak. Hugo has been down on his luck for quite sometime now, and when he was approached by someone at a local coffee shop to drive a truck for some rather big money, he jumped at the chance. He was told to be at Brutus the Buther's place at midnight to drive the truck. When he arrived the truck was fueled up, running, and loaded. Only one other character was there to meet him, and Hugo said, "This character sent chills up my spine. Whoever he was, he didn't say anything except to point out directions. Other than that he said absolutely nothing." Hugo went on to say, "That sword that he carried with him made me nervous, especially the way he was always waving that thing around, and having that patch on his eye made me wonder if he could see anything at all."

Hugo had no idea what the cargo was that he was carrying, but with the money they were going to pay him, he really didn't care to know. He was just to drive the truck, and no more.

The journey took several hours, and "One Eye" only pointed out directions, and nothing more. When they reached a certain place Hugo was ordered to pull over. "One Eye" got out, opened up the back, and some others scurried in. The door was closed, "One Eye" got back in, and they hit the road again. About an hour after that they arrived at the lake. Hugo was instructed to stay inside the truck. "One eye" covered the outside mirrors with some sort of bag so Hugo couldn't see anything.

"One Eye" opened the doors, and whoever was in the back helped "One Eye" with whatever he was doing. Hugo never heard anyone talking. Everything was silent except an occassional grunt now, and then. When they were done, the door was closed, "One Eye" got back in the truck after he removed the bags from the mirrors, and they drove away. They didn't stop at all on their way back so either those others stayed in the truck until Hugo left, or they left right from the lake. Hugo doesn't know, but Nosy, and his gang knows who they are, and where they went.

When they arrived back at Brutus the Butcher's, "One Eye" handed Hugo his money, and away he went. Hugo is co-operating with Nosy.

Nosy believes Harvey is alive although he's probably beaten, and battered. It's just a matter of time until Harvey comes back home. Nosy, and "Frankie the Mouse" want to take this whole gang down. They know the characters involved, they want to end this thing once, and for all. Nosy has tracked these characters down before, but this time he's going to put all involved in a far away place where they can never operate again.

This is Ms Ernestine saying goodbye for now, but I won't be gone long. 

Ms Ernestine is Fired Up

Welcome everyone to my new section entitled "Ms Ernestine Rants." This new section has been in the making for quite some time now, and with the disappearance of Harvey, Pop Pop has decided that now would be a good time for me to begin.

I will be eventually reporting on many subjects, and events, but for right now I am concentrating on finding Harvey. I, along with Fluffy will be reporting on all the happenings that are taking place with the investigation. Together, we will not only report the news, but we will take you behind the stories that make the news.

Much information has come our way since the disappearance of Harvey. We are working closely with Nosy the Bloodhound, and his sidekick Herman, better known as "Frankie the Mouse." Nosy has his ears, and nose to the ground, and Frankie is an expert in undercover work. Frankie has the ability to go deep into an investigation, and has contacts with many in the underworld. Nosy tells us that Frankie is capable of going places no one else can go. Nosy said, "Frankie is better than a fly on the wall. He goes behind the wall to acquire vital information. In fact Frankie can go above, beneath, around, and even through most obstacles that you encounter in every investigation." Nosy also added that Frankie knows every rat, and low down critter in the underworld.

Enough for the introduction. Please leave your comments at the bottom of the article. Our section is going to come together rather quickly, because there is much to report. If you are not a subscriber to "The Espenblog Times" just go to the top of the page, and click on that subscribe thing. It's free, and it doesn't hurt you one bit.

By the way, just about every section of "The Espenblog Times" has some news about the disappearance of Harvey so check out the entire newspaper. Any leads you may supply to this investigation will be kept confidential. We need your help! 

This is Ms Ernestine saying goodbye for now, but I'll be back real soon.  

Mom Mom is a Phoenix

On February 16th Mom Mom began her classes at the University of Phoenix. She officially became a Phoenix. With the economy slowing down, and her work hours being cut from 40+ to 32, she decided to go back to school. The last time Mom Mom was in school was back in 1992 where she graduated from a local business school here on the Eastern Shore.

Mom Mom's greatest concern was that perhaps she was to old. Pop Pop cheered her on, reminding her that 59 was just a number. Pop's said, "Blow the cobweds out, put your big girl panties on, and deal with it." He then proceeded to tell her to, "Go for it." After checking out this Phoenix thing online, talking to a few people, and making some adjustments she dove into the waters.

She became excited when the realization finally hit her that she, Mom Mom, 59 years old, was going back to school. It seems that no matter how old we are, there are still things that excite us. She was like a little kid going to school for the first time. She had her fears, but she pulled up her big girl panties, and faced the challenge head on.

Off to Wal Mart to buy her supplies. A few extra pens, some colored markers, lots of paper for the printer, new ink cartridges, a big memory stick, and of course a brand new lunch box, although she wasn't going no further than the living room. Mom Mom asked Pop Pop what she should wear the first night at school, and hoped she got home in time to catch the bus. Pop Pop just looked at her like she needed medication or something. He didn't say anything, he just walked away talking to himself,  scratching his head.

She's majoring in Health Care Administration/Pharmacy Practice Concentration. I don't know what all that stuff is, but it sounds like it should be important. Whatever it is, it makes Mom Mom's brain smoke. When she is at the computer doing her thing, there is smoke coming out of her ears. I guess that's those cobwebs Pop Pop was talking about. There must have been a lot of cobwebs in there, because after two weeks she still be smoking. I hope it's cobwebs, and not brain cells.

When she gets a good grade on her papers, she gets all excited like, "Yea me!" Of course when she gets stuck on something she uses other phrases. It's a good thing that computer's, papers, and such things as instructions doesn't have feelings. Mom Mom could make those things feel bad if they had feelings. Pop Pop laughs at her as he makes his way out of the room. He doesn't dare laugh when he's stationary in the room. He finds it safer to laugh after he passes by Mom Mom, and is heading out.

Well, I'll be reporting on Mom Mom's progress as she continues on. Perhaps a video of her at the computer would be good. I'll have to run that by Pop Pop. Of course we would have to video it withour her knowing it. If she found out it would be detrimental to our health, but I bet Pop Pop will go for it. Thanks everyone for stopping by "The Espenblog Times."

Did I mention that Mom Mom made the cheerleading squad? Oh yes she did, and here's the proof.