The Above Survey

Harvey is now in Williamsburg, Pa on assignment for "The Espenblog Times." Please take a second, and vote as to when you think Harvey will get himself into trouble. Harvey has said that he will not get into any trouble whatsoever. What do you think?

Exploring the Countryside

I have been here in Williamsburg, Pa for a whole week now, and I'm starting to find my way around. I use my GPS to find my way back to the Boondocker's house when I go exploring, so I can't get lost out here. It's a good thing I have this devise, or it's hard tell where I'd end up. 

The Boondocker's live a short distance from the town of Williamsburg, and I'll get some pictures of the town the next time I drive in there. According to the 2000 Census, there are 1,345 people that live in this town.

 The word is out, Harvey is here! It seems that creatures, and humans alike want to see the monkey that writes for "The Espenblog Times." Some folks from around here have been reading our publication, while others have no idea what it is. Folks are having a hard time believing that I write articles, take pictures, talk on my cell phone, and are really blown away when they find out that I am the General Manager of Georges' Gorilla's Fantasy Football Team. People are fasinated by my vehicle. Everyone wants to take a picture of my car. Of course all the animals know that I am for real, it just takes some time for these humans to get it.

Sleazy the Snake came out of his hole to greet me on the road the other day. It's a good thing I was paying attention or I may have run over him. We chatted for awhile, and he told me that if I needed anything he would be glad to help. He was such a nice fellow. 

I'm going over to this little country church today to take some pictures. You see, Granny's mother is buried there, along with her sister, and brother. Her brother's wife, and one child are there too. Of course all these folks are related to Pop Pop, and Betty Jo Boondocker.

All in all, I'm getting the feel of the land, and sorting out my thoughts so I can do this job the right way. My only problem is that crazy rooster that keeps following me around wanting to box with me. He appears wherever I go. Sooner or later I'm going to punch him out!   

Fan's Support for Harvey Pouring In

Hi everyone, this is Fluffy from "Fluff's Corner." I jumped over here to Harvey's page to post some of the messages we are receiving from fan's around the world. We are all saddened by the disappearance of Harvey, and it isn't the same around here without him.

The "Chicks that Love Gorilla's" Club has written, "We all miss you Harvey, and want your safe, and soon return. We have all flocked together to find you."

Whitey, and the Gorilla's said, "We are doing the best we can to maintain our professional attitude, and concentrating on winning football games. You are missed by this team beyond words."

The "Hippo's for Gorilla's" sent several cases of fresh banana's to be opened by Harvey himself upon his return. They are being store in refrigerated trucks.

From "Animal's United in the Kingdom" a message was received that read, "From all of us to Harvey whom we love, and miss. We have united our efforts in finding you, and returning you to your hut. It's only a matter of time until our efforts bring you home again. We will not tolerate one of our own being mistreated, and exploited. We are coming to get you Harvey so rest easy. Help is on the way!" The group was much to large to take a photo, but they sound like they really mean business.

Today is game day, and the stadiums are already filling up across America. The Crumbpacker's Fantasy Football League will be observing a moment of silence throughout their stadiums today in tribute to Harvey. After the moment of silence there will be a hugh roar rendered in Harvey's behalf. I hope Harvey will be able to at least hear the roar coming to him from across this land, and from around the world. I hope the roar will send shockwaves to whomever has Harvey. That should make them realize that we are coming for Harvey, and you better watch out!    

Gorilla's On a Skid, Must Right Themselves

A two game losing streak for my Gorilla's have caused me much pain, and anxiety. I've been called on the carpet by PopPop himself, and was told in no uncertain terms that George's Gorilla's better win this week, or there may be some changes. Oh boy, I don't need the stress, because you all know what happens to me when I become overly stressed.

Coach Whitey has been going nuts these last two weeks, and he has worked this team hard. "We're having some problems right now with the lack of points our running backs are getting us, but perhaps this week we'll get it right," Coach Whitey said. He continued, "We've had running back problems from the very first game. That's been our weakest point so far, but hopefully we have corrected that problem for this week. We'll see what happens."

I, Harvey, can tell you these last two weeks have been horrible. Losing to the Redskin's, and to Greer's Booty Shaker's have really shook me up. My complaints to the commissioner's office have gotten me no where. He just laughed at me, and said these very words, and I quote, "Harvey, put your big girl panties on, and deal with it!"

Coach Whitey, and the team went ballistic when they found out that I cried foul when we played the Redskin's. Those Gorilla's got all bent out of shape at me. When I went to the practice field to discuss another matter with Coach Whitey, him, and the entire team approached me. When they surrounded me, I knew they were a group of highly agitated gorilla's. You don't stop a group of highly agitated gorilla's by smiling at them.

I said, "What's up guys?" One of the gorilla's said, You're up, Harvey," and with that he took my glasses off, laid them on the bench, and punted me high up into the air. I landed 55 yards down field on my head. As I was flying through the air I was trying my hardest to defy gravity, but knew all the time I was going to come down, and this was going to leave a mark, and down I came. I blacked out for a second, and when I came to they were standing over me doing the "Gorilla Shuffle." They were high fiving each other, and dancing. No one was concerned for my well being. They were just celebrating. Coach Whitey never said a word. He just stood there with that look of distain on his face.

The gorilla's lifted me up, walked to the goal post, and hung me on the crossbar upside down. They tied my arms to the post with long ropes, and my feet were tied to the crossbar. Have you ever looked at a group of highly agitated gorilla's while you were hanging upside down from the crossbar? No, I guess you never have.

I was informed that I was never to complain to the commissioner again. The gorilla's were capable of taking care of themselves, and if they got beat up in a game, they would deal with it. No matter how they get beat, no matter what weapons the other team uses, or what is said about them, they would take care of it themselves. With that they taped a sign on me that read, "Harvey is a sissy."

The team left me hang there for hours with that sign on me. The worse part of it all was when Whitey called that Fluffy Dog Girl, and Ms Ernestine. It wasn't long before they showed up to see what the team had done to me. Of all the creatures, and people in this world to see me like this, it had to be those two. One of them, I don't remember which one, said, "Hi Harvey. You hanging out with the team today?" I think that Fluufy Dog Girl said, "Oh look! I think we are embarrassing Harvey, his face is all red." With that they walked away chuckling, and whispering to each other.

I can only imagine what they will be writing in their columns about this episode. This was not one of my better days. I had been punted through the air, landed 55 yards down field on my face, hung upside down on the crossbar, had a signed taped to me, and was humiliated by a dog, and a pig, and God only knows what they are going to write about me. I would say I had a very bad day. Is there any sympathy out there for me? Does anyone understand what I go through? I sure hope the Gorilla's win this week!    

Gorilla's On The Road Again in Week 6

Here we go again, back on the road to face Jeff's Redskin's in a very crucial game for week 6. After pulling off a major upset over Jefferys' Lion's last week deep in the jungle, we now face a dangerous Redskin's team that ran all over Lori's Little Rascal's in week 5.

We Gorilla's are on a three game winning streak, and Coach Whitey hopes to keep that streak going. The Redskin's are loaded again this week, and the Gorilla's are going to need some timely breaks in the game to pull this one off. The Redskin's are out to get the Gorilla's at any cost. They would love nothing better than to drag the Gorilla's to the woodshed this week, but they are going to have their work cut out for them.

The Gorilla's are pumped up after their big brawl in the jungle. The team is going ape with excitement. They know that with each win they are getting closer to the playoffs, so they are taking one game at a time.

The fan's are excited, and in fact the fan base has grown even larger after the big win last week. Even the fishes in the deep blue sea are rooting for George's Gorilla's. The dolphins have been  seen offshore breaking out of the water holding signs that read, "We are Gorilla Fan's, and we belong to the Gorilla Nation." The whales, and even the sharks are doing the Gorilla Grunt, and scientist are saying they have never seen anything like this in the history of mankind. Animals from all over the world are doing the "Gorilla Grunt," and the "Gorilla Shuffle."

On the human side of this phenomenon children, and teacher's alike are raving over the Gorilla's. They are dancing on the playgrounds, singing in the schools, holding Gorilla Pep Rallies, and that excitement has flowed over to the parent's of these children.

In Senior Citizen Center's across this great land of our's they are wearing Gorilla Head's, and holding up hugh Gorilla pictures of the team. They are sending emails by the thousands, asking for an autographed picture of Coach Whitey. Wherever there are animals, and people, there are Gorilla Fan's.

I wonder why they don't want a picture of me? After all, I am the GM of this team, and it's my brain thrust that has gotten us to this point. I feel somewhat left out. I don't think I'm getting the respect that I deserve, and perhaps I'll do something about that.

My problem is behind me now, and I'm ready to get things going. I'm getting ready to take on that Fluffy dog, and Ms Ernestine. In fact, I feel so good, I am going to take them both on together this week. I heard that the owner of Nan's Nimrods struck some fear into the heart of Ms Ernestine this week. I saw the picture of the sausage, and the bacon frying up in that skillet, and liked to die rolling on the floor laughing. It's my time to laugh now girls. Don't think you are going to skate by Ms Fluffy. sitting up there like you don't ever cause me problems. You have been a thorn in my side since I have arrived. You made people laugh at me at my expense, but now it's my turn. 

The reader's of "The Espenblog Times" are in for some good reading that will be written by none other than this most intelligent, handsome, irresistible, and VIM. VIM stands for "Very Important Monkey." Eat your hearts out Ms Fluffy, and Ms Ernestine, because Harvey is back on top.

I'm in a Bind

With only 16 hours left before the big fight between Roscoe the Roster, and myself, I am still a dancing pig. Betty Jo cannot, I repeat, cannot get the formula right to turn me back into my natural self. Sure the crowd loved me when I paraded through Williamsburg, Pennsylvania on Wednesday, but this potion thing I drank was only supposed to last for three hours. Here it is late Thursday night, and I've not changed back to the original Harvey.

Boondocker has mixed so many recipe's, but nothing has worked. Everytime I would drink a new batch of potion I would either turn into something else, or nothing at all would happen. So far I have been a frog, a duck, a chipmunk, a zebra, and a three legged dog. I'm writing this article as the dancing pig that I started out as. I am highly frustrated at Betty Jo, and really agitated with myself for allowing this to happen. I'm having all these problems because of that crazy rooster that wears boxing gloves. There has to be a way to get back to my old self again.

I'm beginning to think that Boondocker did this to me on purpose. Think about it for a minute. If I remain a dancing pig, I'll have to forfeit the fight. By forfeiting the fight the rooster doesn't get hurt, I get humiliated again, and Betty Jo comes out on top. All my fans here in Williamsburg will be disappointed in me, and I won't be able to face anyone around here. In fact it will be known worldwide that Harvey forfeited the fight. I say all that because I cannot fight the rooster tonight as a dancing pig. When I am this dancing pig, I dance. Nothing else, I dance. Besides that, my arms are to short to put a pair of boxing gloves on, and even if I could, I would still dance. Not fight, just dance. I would rather have a hugh wedgie than be like this! 

Boondocker has said, "I've tried everything Harvey. I'm running out of idea's." Oh that's just skippy doo. The entire staff of "The Espenblog Times" has arrived, and I'm still this dancing pig. On top of that, the entire Gorilla Team, along with Coach Whitey is due to arrive any minute now. Here I am, the General Manager of Georges' Gorilla's Fantasy Football Team, a dancing pig.

Everything is ready for the big fight. The ring has been assembled, the vendors have their booths set up, Jimbo Boondocker has the parking area all ready, the lights have been installed, and the medical staff will be arriving soon. Roscoe, the boxing rooster is going to need them. There will be thousands of folks here to see this big event. 

The big news stations from Altoona, Johstown, and Pittsburgh have already arrived, and they are setting up their equipment. My condition is already the big story around here, but as soon as they hit the air, everyone in the country will know what's going on. Then the cable news people will flock in here. Oh boy, I'm going to do something about this even if it's wrong. I have to take matters into my own hands because Boondocker is setting me up. I have to get back to my normal self so I can take care of that rooster.

Thanks for stopping by, and if you have any suggestions please leave them in your comments. I am one desperate monkey! 

I Found a Friend

It couldn't have come at a better time. With all that's been happening around here lately, I found a friend. Not that everyone hasn't been friendly, but I found someone I can confide in. You know, that friend you can trust, that friend you feel comfortable with, and that friend you can talk with about anything. Charlie is my friend.

I have moved out of the Boondocker's house into my own little hut. My hut is over the horse barn, and I can come, and go as I please. I have my own set of stairs leading up to my hut, and a hugh window in the living room that I can look out, and see everything around me. It's my inspirational hut where I can concentrate on what I'm doing.

Charlie is a horse that lives below me, and he has taken me under his wing so to speak. He has told me that Betty Jo, and Jimbo are the best. Betty Jo just gets too excited at times, and that's when strange things happen. Charlie said he was turned into a toad one time because he was going after that crazy rooster. It took Betty Jo a week to get Charlie right again. She couldn't remember the formula for getting him back to a horse so he had to live in a box with a screen over it until she got the formula right. It seems as if that rooster has some sort of hold on Betty Jo.

Anyway, we hang out together almost everyday. Yesterday Charlie took me down to the little country church that is still active. The cemetary behind the church has some of Pop Pop's relatives buried there. In fact his grandmother, which is Granny's mom, is buried here. This church is tucked away out here in the country, and it's so quiet. Betty Jo's mother, sister, and, father are buried here also.

That crazy rooster, and his hornblowing buddy are never far away. They followed us everywhere we went, but they never got real close. They are almost spooky. I can't wait until I climb into the ring this Friday night. I've allowed myself to be humiliated so as I can knock this rooster upside his head without being turned into a musical pig. I don't think this Roscoe dude is any good at boxing. I'm thinking he found those boxing gloves out here on one of these dumps in the woods, and just struts around agitating people. Charlie told me he would tell me as much as he knew about the rooster later on.

All in all, I had a very relaxing day yesterday. Charlie, and I are going into town to take some pictures tomorrow. I like riding around on Charlie. He is a very good friend.   

There's Something Strange Going On!

I'm trying to take this assignment seriously, but right now I have a real problem. It all started last evening around 5:00 p.m. when I was in my room getting ready to write an article for "The Espenblog Times."

Just as I opened my laptop I heard the sound of a trumpet. It was so loud that my windows shook. I quickly lifted the blind so I could see who in the world was blowing a trumpet. I had to take my glasses off, rub my eyes, and put my glasses back on to make sure I was seeing what I was seeing. There was a rooster standing beside my car blowing on a horn. He wasn't making music, he was just blowing on the horn. No, it wasn't that crazy rooster with boxing gloves that keeps following me around. This was another rooster. He just kept blowing, and blowing. I was trying to figure out where he came from, what was his purpose, and when was he going to quit when I saw something that made my blood boil. I was paying so much attention to the horn blower that I didn't see the rooster with boxing gloves standing on the hood of my car. I started to go beserk!

I ran from my room, down the hallway, and into the kitchen where Betty Jo Boondocker was cooking supper. I was in a panic, jumping up and down, pointing outside, asking her to tell them two crazies out there to stop the noise, and get off my car. She just looked at me as if nothing was going on. Come to think of it, it was kind of a strange look she gave me. I ran for the door to take matters into my own hands. "When I get through with those two nut cases out there, you can cook them for supper," I yelled.

Through the door, and into the yard I went. The horn blower was still blowing, and the rooster with boxing gloves was still on my car. I was going to wring their necks, and pluck their feathers for messing with my car. When I was done with them, I'll take them in the house, and throw them in the cooking pot. So I thought!

I was starting to reach out for the horn blower when this strange feeling hit me. I felt heavy like I wasn't my nimble self. My arms, and legs felt shorter, and it felt as if my tail was gone. It was like I had become someone else. The horn blower stopped blowing, the rooster with the boxing gloves jumped off my car, and Jimbo Boondocker just stood off to the side shaking his head. I turned and looked back toward the house. There was Betty Jo standing on the porch looking right at me. She had done something to me, but I didn't know what. She came to me with a small mirror in her hand. Oh my God, she turned me into a musical pig! I knew there was something strange about her. No wonder she told Pop Pop she could handle anything that might come her way.

I have to stay this way for another 24 hours before she puts me back the way I'm supposed to be. What have I gotten myself into? Those two feathered nuts are going to get their's before this is over with. I'll get back to you real soon, Betty Jo wants me to play some music.

I've Been Hacked

Here I am, deep in the jungle, and I've been hacked, and I know who did it. It was those lion's that hacked into my site because they put their audio up with their roar, and a picture of their cheerleaders. They must really think that Harvey is stupid! They are nothing but a bunch of troublemakers. They are walking around here strutting their stuff, trying to intimidate me by roaring at me, making fun of my glasses, and teasing me about my condition. They keep asking me, "Hey Harvey, have you worked your problem out yet?" They walk away laughing, slapping each other on the back. You wait until Whitey, and the gang gets a hold of them tomorrow. We'll see who has a problem after George's Gorilla's does the "Gorilla Shuffle" on them.

This place is rocking again tonight, and there's no need for crowd control, because crowd control is in the crowd partying with everybody, and everything else. Humans, and creatures are dancing with each other like this is all normal. There is a multitude of animals, and humans as far as the eye can see, and beyond. The reporters in the helicopters have reported that this mass of animals, and humanity is taking up about 30 square miles. I just can't believe I am witnessing such a sight.

The humans have all their satellite equipment here getting ready to beam this baby into every nook, and cranny on this planet. When these two teams met in week two it was a big game, but this is monumental compared to the first time they met. There is no way all these creatures, and all these humans are going to fit in the stadium. I've been told that the humans are going to place closed circuit TV's in the trees, and the huts for miles around here so everyone, and everything can see the game.

The Lion's are talking smack, and the Gorilla's are in a foul mood. Whitey is walking around like he has a massive tooth ache. You can hear lion roars, and gorilla grunts ringing out from each of their facilities. They can't wait until they can get a hold of each other tomorrow. I've never seen Whitey, or this team in such a foul mood. They are angry, frustrated, and anxious to get it on with those lions. I don't believe either team will sleep tonight.

I went to my old doctor this afternoon so he could help me with my condition. He gave some kind of human medicine that he gauranteed would work. I took the medicine a few minutes ago, and I'll let you know the results. Here's a picture of my old doctor. He delivered me into this world years ago, and I put all my trust in him. Please leave me your comments, and I'll answer each of them, because "This ain't no monkey business."

Important Notice From Harvey

In order to keep my page from becoming to cluttered I have moved articles from the previous week to the archives. The archives are located directly under this notice. Take some time to read through the archives.

I Was Stranded in the Jungle

Ok, first the news every one is waiting for. Yes, George's Gorilla's defeated Jefferys' Lion's at "The Brawl in the Jungle" this past weekend by the score of 138 to 131. As predicted, there was blood, guts, and hair flying everywhere during the game. The noise on the field, and throughout the jungle was incredible. It was the most ferocious battle that creatures, and humans ever witnessed here in the jungle.

When the dust settled on Sunday night the Gorilla's were victorious. Both sides were worn out, scarred, and bloody at the end of the day. The lion's were no longer strutting their stuff, or talking smack. In fact at the end of the game the Lion's in unison bowed before the feet of the Gorilla's, and tipped their hats. With that act of sportmanship the lions limped off into the jungle night. The crowd made up of creatures, and humans stood to their feet, and gave both team's a rip roaring applause. The applause sounded like thunder rolling across the jungle sky.

Was I happy that we won? Yes I was, but I was having a very difficult time. You see, when I wrote my article entitled, "I've Been Hacked" on Saturday night, shortly thereafter something began to happen to me. Remember I told you all I went to my doctor on Saturday afternoon, and he perscribed me some human medicine? He guaranteed that it would work, and my problem would soon work itself out. The old doctor was absolutely right!

Here's what happened to me shortly after I wrote that article. All of a sudden my stomach started to rumble, I broke out in a cold sweat, and I felt weak in my knees. Suddenly, I knew I had to "move" if you know what I mean, and move I did in more ways than one. I jumped to my feet, fell over the chair, dropped my glasses, stepped on them breaking them into a thousand pieces, but I couldn't stop. I had to find the place, you know what the place is. There was an eruption that was going to take place at any second so I had to get to the place.

Without my glasses I have a very hard time seeing anything, and the fact that it was dark didn't help. The place, I had to get to the place. Where is the place? I stumbled, fell, ran in circles looking for the place. With my glasses on, finding the place would be no problem, but there I was with no glasses trying to find the place in the dark. I was pushing through the crowd trying to find the place. I didn't care what I looked like, nor did I care that the multitude of creatures, and humans were laughing at me, I just had to find the place.                                            At last, what seemed like hours, I found the place. Was there any one in there? I couldn't see. I felt my way to the door, and opened it as quickly as I could. It was a one holer, and it wasn't occupied. With my head pounding, my stomach rumbling, and with beads of perspiration running down my face I erupted. Oh the pain. I let out a monkey screech that caught the attention of every one, and everything. Silence, I mean a deafening silence fell over the multitude, and the only sound that could be heard was my eruption.

Total, absolute silence was not the only thing that had fallen over the multitude. Now there was an unpleasant odor wafting it's way through the jungle coming from the place. Oh no, every one knews that I was in there, and every one knew that I was the cause of the odor, but I couldn't stop.

In a sudden burst, hoofs started pounding, wings started flapping, and it seemed as if the earth itself begin to move. I realized that every creature, and every human had started to stampede. They were on the move, and the place begin to shake with such violence I just knew that I was going to die. The noise outside the place was deafening as each species cried out to their own kind telling them to run from the odor that was coming from the place, and run they did. Thrashing, stomping, kicking, and clawing their way out of there. 

Then there was dead silence again. There was only myself in the place, with that awful odor. I was all alone in a one holer, in the deepest part of the jungle with no one around. 

I realized what happened. When the doctor gave me that human medicine he told me to take two which I did. I took the rest of them little square chocolate looking things, and put them in my pocket with my treats that I munch on. I must admit, those square chocolate things were right tasty. Well, while I was writing the last article I was eating my munchies, and I forgot that the little square things were mixed in amongst them. I ate everything I had in my pocket while I was writing my article, and yep, that included every one of those little square chocolate things.

I missed the biggest game ever, I was in the place until late Sunday night, I was alone, and I thought I would never stop. People, and creatures called me on my cell phone, but no one came around. They all stayed miles away from the place. My problem from last week has been removed, and I never want to see this place again. 

Have a good laugh Fluffy, and Ms Ernestine. I'm sure you are cracking up over this entire situation, but old Harvey will have his day for sure.

The Brawl in the Jungle

For the second time in 3 weeks there has been a truce declared throughout the jungle. In a place where every one, and everything eats each other, another truce has gone into effect from Friday at sundown until Tuesday at daybreak. Every one, and everything has stored away enough food to last until the truce is over. Every one that is except The Lion's, and The Gorilla's. I'm afraid they are going to be eating on each other.

This is Harvey reporting to you from deep inside the jungle, and I am truly nervous. I still have that certain problem I wrote about the other day, and this certainly isn't helping me to get my problem worked out, but more about that later.

The sight before me is beyond description. Every creature,including the humans are on the move. The watering holes, which are like your road side rest areas are jammed up. I am seeing creatures that I have never seen before in my life. I mean they are crawling out of holes, from under rocks, and places I didn't even know existed, and this is my  neighborhood. Even the hyena's are on the move, and they are behaving themselves quite nicely. The only thing that is on every one's mind is the "The Brawl in the Jungle." Every one has the same destination in mind, the site where this is all going to take place.

Human's, and creatures alike are all wearing their favorite team apparel such as hats, shirts, etc. Many have their faces, and bodies painted, they are carrying signs, and singing their team songs. The Zebra's look funny with their gorilla heads on. I never saw a gorilla with stripes, but they are avid fan's. I believe the majority is rooting for the Gorilla's seeing as the Lion's are always preying on every one, and everything else.

This is a revenge match for The Gorilla's. The Lion's beat them last time by 25 points, and Coach Whitey has this team fired up. I'll report about what's happening with The Gorilla's, and The Lion's later on. I just wanted you to get the picture of this in your mind. It's beyond noisy, it's crowded, and stinky here, but we are going to a brawl. Mark my words, there's going to be guts, hair, and blood flying in this game. I bet you even hear the sound of breaking bones. You have to understand that this is the jungle, and only the strong survive. It's going to get ugly.

Thanks for reading my report, and please leave me your comments. I'm connected even though I'm deep in the jungle. Subscribe to "The Espenblog," it's absolutely free. My boss, PopPop, wants to make you as crazy as the rest of us. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt.